http://johnkstuff.blogspot.com/2007/02/spotlight-on-criminal-defense-executive.html
Read... and cry.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
UNION = USELESS
So I'm reading all of these rage-filled but well-thought-out and entirely legitimate posts and it occurs to me: What has the animation union done to help with all of these problems?
The answer, of course, is: not a goddamned thing.
Now, I realize lots of you probably work at nonunion studios, but in NY, LA, Toronto and other animation meccas, we're supposed to be protected by our precious unions.
But, alas, it is Friday and as I speak every single animation artist I know will either be working very late tonight, all through the weekend or BOTH - with no additional pay.
Isn't the union supposed to safeguard against stuff like this?
Oh - right... it's up to the artists to raise a stink.
Of course, the reason we're all staying anonymous here is because we all know that blackballing is not only a real threat, but it's extremely common in this industry.
See, the way producers get around it is they make it seem as though it's the artist's fault... "Our deadlines are perfectly reasonable"... sure... but your scripts aren't.
I would love it if someone from the union found this site and got a glimpse at what a miserable job they're doing.
This is what we've all resorted to, union reps... ranting anonymously on a blog because we know that we are in a hopeless situation and our union is too impotent to do anything about it.
Enjoy our dues.
The answer, of course, is: not a goddamned thing.
Now, I realize lots of you probably work at nonunion studios, but in NY, LA, Toronto and other animation meccas, we're supposed to be protected by our precious unions.
But, alas, it is Friday and as I speak every single animation artist I know will either be working very late tonight, all through the weekend or BOTH - with no additional pay.
Isn't the union supposed to safeguard against stuff like this?
Oh - right... it's up to the artists to raise a stink.
Of course, the reason we're all staying anonymous here is because we all know that blackballing is not only a real threat, but it's extremely common in this industry.
See, the way producers get around it is they make it seem as though it's the artist's fault... "Our deadlines are perfectly reasonable"... sure... but your scripts aren't.
I would love it if someone from the union found this site and got a glimpse at what a miserable job they're doing.
This is what we've all resorted to, union reps... ranting anonymously on a blog because we know that we are in a hopeless situation and our union is too impotent to do anything about it.
Enjoy our dues.
PROFESSIONAL ARTISTS: A Lost Breed
This is probably where I will lose all of the positive support I've been getting since I started this blog, but what I'm about to say desperately needs to be said...
Artists in the animation industry love to bitch about how poorly they're treated by executives, line producers and whatnot... and much of their grievences are legitimate (thus, the purpose of this blog).
But if we are to explore ALL of the problems that infect the industry, we need to turn that deep, dark truthful mirror on ourselves as well.
I realize that as artists, we are prone to certain eccentricities... we are creative for a living, and that takes a special type of individual... we're different from the average American worker.
Nonetheless, the animation industry IS an INDUSTRY. And it is a COMMERCIAL industry at that. We work, oftentimes, for big corporations or affilliates of big corporations.
We are animation PROFESSIONALS
But ask yourself this: Do I act professionally?
I have, in the course of my career, been in the position of taking pitches and interviewing young artists for jobs, and it never fails to amaze me what a bunch of disrespectful, filthy little wretches many of you are.
Back in New York, I was working for a major studio there and had a very attractive position available for an art director. The pay was great, the benefits were great, the work environment was great, the project itself was great... this was the kind of job animation students dream of.
I was determined to give the position to some undiscovered young talent... someone with motivation and drive.
So we put out the call through all the trades and schools and I took what seemed like thousands of applications and conducted hundreds of interviews, and out of all of the people I met with, 99% of them:
1) Showed up to their interviews LATE and oftentimes VERY LATE.
2) Showed up looking like they hadn't showered or changed clothes in a month.
3) Brought in portfolios that looked like they had been run over by a stampede of wild buffallo.
4) Showed virtually no enthusiasm and, more often than not, copped a snotty attitude.
5) Mumbled or spoke incoherently.
This was a JOB INTERVIEW.
Now, as an artist myself, I tried to look past a lot of these traits, but as I see these trends among artists getting worse and worse, I simply have to say: If you want to be TREATED professionally and TAKEN seriously, you have to ACT professionally and BEHAVE appropriately if you want to command any degree of respect - ESPECIALLY when dealing with producers, executives, etc.
I understand that cartoon studios should try to cultivate a fun, casual environment, but if you've got a staff meeting to attend or a pitch to conduct, maybe you should consier combing your hair and putting on actual pants (sweatpants don't count).
It's one thing to wear your stained "INCREDIBLE HULK" t-shirt and dirty, torn shorts and flip-flops on a day when you're just sitting in your cube drawing, it's another thing entirely to wear it to a pitch where you're trying to convince someone to allocate money from their development budget in your direction.
How can you hope to create a bond of trust with anyone you work with - whether it's your line-producer, director, or whatever - when you come in late and turn in your work late?
I believe that one of the major keys in artists taking the industry back for themselves lays in artists proving that they are better animation professionals than all of these glorified secretaries and hack stand-up-comics who have wrestled it away from us by sheer virtue of their ability to dress professionally and speak with clarity.
It's a matter of respect.
Generally speaking, when you give it, you get it.
Artists in the animation industry love to bitch about how poorly they're treated by executives, line producers and whatnot... and much of their grievences are legitimate (thus, the purpose of this blog).
But if we are to explore ALL of the problems that infect the industry, we need to turn that deep, dark truthful mirror on ourselves as well.
I realize that as artists, we are prone to certain eccentricities... we are creative for a living, and that takes a special type of individual... we're different from the average American worker.
Nonetheless, the animation industry IS an INDUSTRY. And it is a COMMERCIAL industry at that. We work, oftentimes, for big corporations or affilliates of big corporations.
We are animation PROFESSIONALS
But ask yourself this: Do I act professionally?
I have, in the course of my career, been in the position of taking pitches and interviewing young artists for jobs, and it never fails to amaze me what a bunch of disrespectful, filthy little wretches many of you are.
Back in New York, I was working for a major studio there and had a very attractive position available for an art director. The pay was great, the benefits were great, the work environment was great, the project itself was great... this was the kind of job animation students dream of.
I was determined to give the position to some undiscovered young talent... someone with motivation and drive.
So we put out the call through all the trades and schools and I took what seemed like thousands of applications and conducted hundreds of interviews, and out of all of the people I met with, 99% of them:
1) Showed up to their interviews LATE and oftentimes VERY LATE.
2) Showed up looking like they hadn't showered or changed clothes in a month.
3) Brought in portfolios that looked like they had been run over by a stampede of wild buffallo.
4) Showed virtually no enthusiasm and, more often than not, copped a snotty attitude.
5) Mumbled or spoke incoherently.
This was a JOB INTERVIEW.
Now, as an artist myself, I tried to look past a lot of these traits, but as I see these trends among artists getting worse and worse, I simply have to say: If you want to be TREATED professionally and TAKEN seriously, you have to ACT professionally and BEHAVE appropriately if you want to command any degree of respect - ESPECIALLY when dealing with producers, executives, etc.
I understand that cartoon studios should try to cultivate a fun, casual environment, but if you've got a staff meeting to attend or a pitch to conduct, maybe you should consier combing your hair and putting on actual pants (sweatpants don't count).
It's one thing to wear your stained "INCREDIBLE HULK" t-shirt and dirty, torn shorts and flip-flops on a day when you're just sitting in your cube drawing, it's another thing entirely to wear it to a pitch where you're trying to convince someone to allocate money from their development budget in your direction.
How can you hope to create a bond of trust with anyone you work with - whether it's your line-producer, director, or whatever - when you come in late and turn in your work late?
I believe that one of the major keys in artists taking the industry back for themselves lays in artists proving that they are better animation professionals than all of these glorified secretaries and hack stand-up-comics who have wrestled it away from us by sheer virtue of their ability to dress professionally and speak with clarity.
It's a matter of respect.
Generally speaking, when you give it, you get it.
"ANIMATION WRITERS" - WHAT A BUNCH OF OXYMORONS
Where do I even begin...
Okay, I see animation writers the same way I see animation executives... if they are GOOD, I not only don't have a problem with them, I am grateful for them.
The trouble is, "good" animation writers are extremely rare... in two-and-a-half decades of experience, I think I've worked with four good writers at the most. And they, naturally, were either drummed out of the industry by producers who don't know a good storyteller from a hole in their ass or they got smart and moved into other mediums.
Please note that when I use the term "good", I don't mean that subjectively... I don't merely refer to writers who create scripts that I personally find entertaining... I just mean "good" in the sense that they can create a script with an actual beginning, middle and end that makes sense, works within the boundaries of the animation medium and fits the timeframe of the project.
Generally speaking, an eleven-minute cartoon script should be around 11 pages long (give or take a page or two). The rule of thumb among anyone who actually understands animation is that you plan around a minute per page.
To this day, I have yet to see a script for an 11 minute cartoon that was less than 25 pages long.
Do these verbose hacks think that somehow within the animation process that time and space can be magically bent to fit our agenda?
And CONFUSING... christ almighty... how hard is it to tell a simple story? Who are these idiots who try to fit sub-plots into an 11 minute cartoon about a talking duck? How hard is it to just write something that makes SOME logistical sense?
Now, unlike some animation cult members, I see the value in writers... particularly for television wherein the deadlines are tighter and there isn't nearly as much time for 'development'. But animation writers need to realize that they are WRITING FOR ANIMATION! ADJUST YOUR TECHNIQUE TO FIT THE FUCKING MEDIUM YOU LAZY HACKS!
Most animation writers are sad, sorry, failed stand-up-comedians who couldn't break into sit-coms, so they're angry as hell that they must debase themselves by writing for these awful cartoons. They give animation their 'C' material (and their 'A' material usually sucks to begin with) and just keep their fingers crossed that one day they can get a lunch meeting with Sarah Silverman.
What's even more infuriating is that most of these illiterate clowns go on to become producers. Whenever you see 'Produced by' credits at the beginning of FAMILY GUY or SIMPSONS, rest-assured, that person is no 'producer'... they're just a writer who added one lame joke to an already lame script.
You see, executives don't REALLY know what makes a good cartoon, so they rely heavily on the written word. They don't know how to 'watch' a cartoon ("How could the Coyote survive a fall like that?") but they (technically) know how to "read" so they count on these Harvard-Lampoon-Wannabes to put ideas into a form they can understand... ultimately, though, it's like having someone who doesn't speak Japanese translating for you at a Tokyo business meeting.
Of course, most scripts become irrelevant the minute the storyboards are pasted up and everyone sees how senselessly written the story was (the storyboard artist, of course, takes the heat for this and has to cancel his weekend plans to take his kids to the park so that he can do 400 pages of revisions that make even less sense than the original script).
But here's the REAL sign you're dealing with a hack writer: SONGS.
Ever notice how the last seasons of THE SIMPSONS and FAMLIY GUY they seem to have a musical number in every other episode? SURELY you don't think it's merely because these writers actually like musicals do you? Lord no.
Y'see, writers jam musical numbers (which, as we all know, are a pain to animate and usually REALLY gay and awful) into shows and films because the RESIDUALS on a songwriting credit are HUGE.
All you need is writing credit on ONE song and you've got a steady check for LIFE... every single time the song is re-run on television, the writer gets another check. Can you imagine if you wrote just ONE song for ONE episode of The Simpsons (which reruns about a million times a day all over the world) what the cash flow would be? It boggles the mind.
Another surefire sign of a hack writer is CROWD SCENES. It's always easy to make a shitty script seem 'eventful' by having big, huge crowd scenes (riots, amusement parks, concerts, etc.) which, again, are the hardest to animate and most boring to watch.
What's particularly obnoxious about writers is hwo smug they seem to be about their so-called 'talent'... they're convinced that they have some sort of special gift given by the gods.
I'll accept that kind of attitude from Kurt Vonnegut, but not from some dude who shit out a script for 'The Mighty Ducks'.
And, of course, most writers hate artists and will not associate with them. And with good reason. Artists are the only ones who realize just what a scam the writers have going. If more artists managed to become writers (good luck), it'd be over for them.
Once again, however, I should point out that there are one or two good ones out there... we should be kind to them and nurture them. But they are the VAST minority.
But enough of my blabbing... tell your writer horror-stories here and, if you feel compelled, name off the ones you think are the worst of the worst.
Have at it!
Okay, I see animation writers the same way I see animation executives... if they are GOOD, I not only don't have a problem with them, I am grateful for them.
The trouble is, "good" animation writers are extremely rare... in two-and-a-half decades of experience, I think I've worked with four good writers at the most. And they, naturally, were either drummed out of the industry by producers who don't know a good storyteller from a hole in their ass or they got smart and moved into other mediums.
Please note that when I use the term "good", I don't mean that subjectively... I don't merely refer to writers who create scripts that I personally find entertaining... I just mean "good" in the sense that they can create a script with an actual beginning, middle and end that makes sense, works within the boundaries of the animation medium and fits the timeframe of the project.
Generally speaking, an eleven-minute cartoon script should be around 11 pages long (give or take a page or two). The rule of thumb among anyone who actually understands animation is that you plan around a minute per page.
To this day, I have yet to see a script for an 11 minute cartoon that was less than 25 pages long.
Do these verbose hacks think that somehow within the animation process that time and space can be magically bent to fit our agenda?
And CONFUSING... christ almighty... how hard is it to tell a simple story? Who are these idiots who try to fit sub-plots into an 11 minute cartoon about a talking duck? How hard is it to just write something that makes SOME logistical sense?
Now, unlike some animation cult members, I see the value in writers... particularly for television wherein the deadlines are tighter and there isn't nearly as much time for 'development'. But animation writers need to realize that they are WRITING FOR ANIMATION! ADJUST YOUR TECHNIQUE TO FIT THE FUCKING MEDIUM YOU LAZY HACKS!
Most animation writers are sad, sorry, failed stand-up-comedians who couldn't break into sit-coms, so they're angry as hell that they must debase themselves by writing for these awful cartoons. They give animation their 'C' material (and their 'A' material usually sucks to begin with) and just keep their fingers crossed that one day they can get a lunch meeting with Sarah Silverman.
What's even more infuriating is that most of these illiterate clowns go on to become producers. Whenever you see 'Produced by' credits at the beginning of FAMILY GUY or SIMPSONS, rest-assured, that person is no 'producer'... they're just a writer who added one lame joke to an already lame script.
You see, executives don't REALLY know what makes a good cartoon, so they rely heavily on the written word. They don't know how to 'watch' a cartoon ("How could the Coyote survive a fall like that?") but they (technically) know how to "read" so they count on these Harvard-Lampoon-Wannabes to put ideas into a form they can understand... ultimately, though, it's like having someone who doesn't speak Japanese translating for you at a Tokyo business meeting.
Of course, most scripts become irrelevant the minute the storyboards are pasted up and everyone sees how senselessly written the story was (the storyboard artist, of course, takes the heat for this and has to cancel his weekend plans to take his kids to the park so that he can do 400 pages of revisions that make even less sense than the original script).
But here's the REAL sign you're dealing with a hack writer: SONGS.
Ever notice how the last seasons of THE SIMPSONS and FAMLIY GUY they seem to have a musical number in every other episode? SURELY you don't think it's merely because these writers actually like musicals do you? Lord no.
Y'see, writers jam musical numbers (which, as we all know, are a pain to animate and usually REALLY gay and awful) into shows and films because the RESIDUALS on a songwriting credit are HUGE.
All you need is writing credit on ONE song and you've got a steady check for LIFE... every single time the song is re-run on television, the writer gets another check. Can you imagine if you wrote just ONE song for ONE episode of The Simpsons (which reruns about a million times a day all over the world) what the cash flow would be? It boggles the mind.
Another surefire sign of a hack writer is CROWD SCENES. It's always easy to make a shitty script seem 'eventful' by having big, huge crowd scenes (riots, amusement parks, concerts, etc.) which, again, are the hardest to animate and most boring to watch.
What's particularly obnoxious about writers is hwo smug they seem to be about their so-called 'talent'... they're convinced that they have some sort of special gift given by the gods.
I'll accept that kind of attitude from Kurt Vonnegut, but not from some dude who shit out a script for 'The Mighty Ducks'.
And, of course, most writers hate artists and will not associate with them. And with good reason. Artists are the only ones who realize just what a scam the writers have going. If more artists managed to become writers (good luck), it'd be over for them.
Once again, however, I should point out that there are one or two good ones out there... we should be kind to them and nurture them. But they are the VAST minority.
But enough of my blabbing... tell your writer horror-stories here and, if you feel compelled, name off the ones you think are the worst of the worst.
Have at it!
WHY THE ANIMATION INDUSTRY IS DOOMED
It's quite simple, really...
The two biggest factors that will ultimately choke the last few feeble breaths out of the animation industry are:
1) Studio executives who hate the medium...
and
2) Pretentious artists with their heads up their asses.
Allow me to explain...
Point one:
The entertainment industry in general is in a really sad state of affairs these days.
No one goes to the movies any more because they're ridiculously overpriced and usually terrible. Why bother driving all the way to a theater only to pay twelve bucks to watch something horrible (followed by an endless barrage of commercials) in a theater surrounded by a bunch of loudmouthed lowlife strangers while sitting in uncomfortable seats when you can wait two months and watch it on DVD in the comfort of your own home?
Why should television execs bother to spend ten billion dollars on a narrative tv series when they can just stick a handfull of fratboys and sorority girls on an island with a few cameramen and watch the advertsing dollars gush in? (sure, there are a few of exceptions, but when you consider just how many hundreds of channels people have to choose from, you have to put it all in perspective that for every 'Lost' there are about a hundred 'America's Next Top Model' clones)
Why should radio stations bother seeking out the next hot recording artist when 'American Idol' does the work for them?
Now, this is the sorry state of MAINSTREAM entertainment... cartoons have always been seen as the bastard child of the entertainment industry, so as talentless and visionless as the executives are for primetime tv shows, feature films and the music industry, animation executives represent the absolute bottom-feeders of the entertainment food chain.
Animation executives are the people who weren't savvy enough to be executives for real moneymakers like 'Temptation Island'. Can you imagine?
Consequently, these frustrated, semi-retarded little vermin are the most embittered little rodents on the planet. They HATE cartoons because they feel that animation is their prison... they're in the minor leagues. Why do you think they try so desperately to get 'celebrity voices' to do cartoons? It's because the execs want to be able to go to parties and brag about working with Chris Kattan or Judge Reinhold.
These people do not watch cartoons. They never will. They hate cartoons. On the weekends they spend their free time on jetskis or golf courses, and yet these are the people with the most creative control over any cartoon.
Don't believe me? Two words: 'Loonatics Unleashed'. Still need convincing? 'Class of 3,000'. More evidence? 'Brandy and Mr. Whiskers'. Must I go on?Okay... I will: Coconut Fred, My Gym Partner is a Monkey, Barnyard, Jake Long: American Dragon, Johnny Test, Over the Hedge, The Replacements, Legion of Superheroes, The Family Guy, Danny Phantom, The Wild, Cat-Dog, The X's, Ying Yang Yo, Catscratch, Shrek, and the list goes on and on... each one a sample of proof that animation executives are hateful, humorless, blind and - above all - dangerously stupid
If by some miracle you are a studio executive who has stumbled upon this post (which seems very unlikely given the fact that animation execs care so little about the medium they supposedly work for that I can't imagine one of them actually spending the time to read something like this) then let me tell you something: You should be deeply, deeply ashamed.
Now onto my second point...
You spineless yet inexplicably pretentious artist out there who pitch shows... my god... it's no wonder there are no good cartoons... most of your ideas are horrible.
They're all a variation of Ren and Stimpy or Justice League or Dexter's Lab. Can't anyone come up with something with even the slightest dash of ORIGINALITY?
And I'm not just talking about originality in the concepts themselves but in the designs and animation. Where are the innovators? Where are the geniuses who will advance the medium?
How come you all draw exactly like Katie Rice or Stephen Silver? Are there NO OTHER design styles?
How come you all animate exactly like 'Naruto', Don Bluth or John K? Surely SOMEONE out there has some new ideas? No - I guess not.
The problem with artists is that they're so easily influenced and manipulated. When you're not letting John K tell you what to do, you're letting some talentless writer or executive push you around. Yeah, I know, you've gotta make a living... we all do. But that doesn't mean you have to let yourself be bullied.
You work the constant overtime with no additional pay. You refuse to become savvy at the business of staying employed. You maintain this juvenille posture that as an artist you are neither expected nor required to behave professionally.
You don't feel compelled to learn about the past and present history of art, media, entertainment and your own field. You are an obnoxious prick who thinks that learning and evolving is for 'sellouts' because your idiotic 'style' is more important than anything in creation.
Assholes.
So these two types are the ones who hold the industry in their shit-stained hands.
Give up. Animation is doomed
The two biggest factors that will ultimately choke the last few feeble breaths out of the animation industry are:
1) Studio executives who hate the medium...
and
2) Pretentious artists with their heads up their asses.
Allow me to explain...
Point one:
The entertainment industry in general is in a really sad state of affairs these days.
No one goes to the movies any more because they're ridiculously overpriced and usually terrible. Why bother driving all the way to a theater only to pay twelve bucks to watch something horrible (followed by an endless barrage of commercials) in a theater surrounded by a bunch of loudmouthed lowlife strangers while sitting in uncomfortable seats when you can wait two months and watch it on DVD in the comfort of your own home?
Why should television execs bother to spend ten billion dollars on a narrative tv series when they can just stick a handfull of fratboys and sorority girls on an island with a few cameramen and watch the advertsing dollars gush in? (sure, there are a few of exceptions, but when you consider just how many hundreds of channels people have to choose from, you have to put it all in perspective that for every 'Lost' there are about a hundred 'America's Next Top Model' clones)
Why should radio stations bother seeking out the next hot recording artist when 'American Idol' does the work for them?
Now, this is the sorry state of MAINSTREAM entertainment... cartoons have always been seen as the bastard child of the entertainment industry, so as talentless and visionless as the executives are for primetime tv shows, feature films and the music industry, animation executives represent the absolute bottom-feeders of the entertainment food chain.
Animation executives are the people who weren't savvy enough to be executives for real moneymakers like 'Temptation Island'. Can you imagine?
Consequently, these frustrated, semi-retarded little vermin are the most embittered little rodents on the planet. They HATE cartoons because they feel that animation is their prison... they're in the minor leagues. Why do you think they try so desperately to get 'celebrity voices' to do cartoons? It's because the execs want to be able to go to parties and brag about working with Chris Kattan or Judge Reinhold.
These people do not watch cartoons. They never will. They hate cartoons. On the weekends they spend their free time on jetskis or golf courses, and yet these are the people with the most creative control over any cartoon.
Don't believe me? Two words: 'Loonatics Unleashed'. Still need convincing? 'Class of 3,000'. More evidence? 'Brandy and Mr. Whiskers'. Must I go on?Okay... I will: Coconut Fred, My Gym Partner is a Monkey, Barnyard, Jake Long: American Dragon, Johnny Test, Over the Hedge, The Replacements, Legion of Superheroes, The Family Guy, Danny Phantom, The Wild, Cat-Dog, The X's, Ying Yang Yo, Catscratch, Shrek, and the list goes on and on... each one a sample of proof that animation executives are hateful, humorless, blind and - above all - dangerously stupid
If by some miracle you are a studio executive who has stumbled upon this post (which seems very unlikely given the fact that animation execs care so little about the medium they supposedly work for that I can't imagine one of them actually spending the time to read something like this) then let me tell you something: You should be deeply, deeply ashamed.
Now onto my second point...
You spineless yet inexplicably pretentious artist out there who pitch shows... my god... it's no wonder there are no good cartoons... most of your ideas are horrible.
They're all a variation of Ren and Stimpy or Justice League or Dexter's Lab. Can't anyone come up with something with even the slightest dash of ORIGINALITY?
And I'm not just talking about originality in the concepts themselves but in the designs and animation. Where are the innovators? Where are the geniuses who will advance the medium?
How come you all draw exactly like Katie Rice or Stephen Silver? Are there NO OTHER design styles?
How come you all animate exactly like 'Naruto', Don Bluth or John K? Surely SOMEONE out there has some new ideas? No - I guess not.
The problem with artists is that they're so easily influenced and manipulated. When you're not letting John K tell you what to do, you're letting some talentless writer or executive push you around. Yeah, I know, you've gotta make a living... we all do. But that doesn't mean you have to let yourself be bullied.
You work the constant overtime with no additional pay. You refuse to become savvy at the business of staying employed. You maintain this juvenille posture that as an artist you are neither expected nor required to behave professionally.
You don't feel compelled to learn about the past and present history of art, media, entertainment and your own field. You are an obnoxious prick who thinks that learning and evolving is for 'sellouts' because your idiotic 'style' is more important than anything in creation.
Assholes.
So these two types are the ones who hold the industry in their shit-stained hands.
Give up. Animation is doomed
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