DreamWorms: THE NEW DIMENSION OF ANIMATION

If 3d movies weren’t bad enough, DreamWorks animation has announced that in 2009 all of their CGI animated films will be presented in a new format, Stereoscopic 3D. Apparently they have seen the downward trend in people rushing out to see the next new CGI animated feature and need a new gimmick to draw in the masses.

I have to admit it surprised me at first, I had once thought for sure Disney would be the first to make this leap. Seeing that hey have been using this type of technology in their theme park for years... Maybe they foresaw the damage this format could do to the animation art form or maybe I'm giving them a little too much credit, only time will tell us that.

DreamWorks still hasn’t figured out that it is not the flashy 3D models that make a good movie, but it’s the story. Now not only do we have to sit through a shitty movie I have to dodge dumb props and garbage 3D character devices.

Other than people grabbing randomly in the air like wild monkeys, what will this new format bring?
Let’s make a list of 3D movie clichés that you know will not only be included in the DreamWorks movies, but ones that all the other studios animated features that will undoubtedly follow suit.

Clichés:

-Random flying characters that fly around the audience. (GREAT! NOW not only will I want to throw up while going to see SharkTale, but now I get to be molested by fish!)
-Scary objects flopping into the audience...(This could come in handy if I want a hummer from the Monster House.)
-Anything that pokes, prods, swings or gets thrown, makes its way to the audience. I'm guessing watching Pinnochio's nose grow isn't good enough these days.
- Bubbles, fluff, sparkles, building debris, snot, some more of that air grabbing
- Characters looking, pointing, talking directly at you! So it gives it that more personal feel! (Let's get these kids prepared for what acid does to you years in advance!)

This new format might seem “amazing” or “cool” at first. It might seem to open new doors on how a studio can tell a story, but it won’t. In fact it will close more doors then it will open. Studios will have to write or remake movies that have explosions, flying characters, pixy dust and oblong objects. The story will take a 3rd seat behind the CGI models and the Stereoscopic 3d format. They will have to write in the big scare scene and the funny finger pointing and all the other bullshit that goes into making 3d movies. Now I guess John K. is really going to be pissed off when the giant index finger finds itself at DreamWorks infiltrating the stereoscopic anus of the average theatergoer.

Now that we have this new amazing air grabbingly awesome 3d format that will make million at the box offices, how will it make millions in the home? Do you have a Stereoscopic 3D compliant TV? Or is HD going out the door and is S-3D in? Will the same cheap laughs, jumps and air grabbing have the same feel on your home television screen? HELL NO, it will look like shit and force people to watch the movie in the standard format. It will expose the movie for what it is, A SHITTY MOVIE!

There is a reason this type of movie only exist in theme parks, and that is no matter what theme park you see them in or the story they have, it’s all the same formula. It gets boring and the overly used clichés are never original and hardly funny the first time. Sure you could speculate that a studio could take advantage and create a mind blowing experience, but that’s doubtful, studios will stick to what they know. They will have the same shitty characters voiced by the same shitty actors and the shallow story that seems to go nowhere, but this time you’re trying to grab it.

Brace yourselves and check it out HERE

This new format will undoubtedly open a new can of worms for feature animation; the problem is that for each can it opens, all the worms look the same.

Which brings us to the next thing to discuss... Computers consuming our jobs, and with sensor-less motion capture now available that era is rapidly closing in...